Finessing My BIG PROJECT … the Inner Game - by Tom Wells

“In the absence of resistant thought, your Vibration returns to its natural state of power and clarity and love.  In the absence of resistant thought, your true nature of resilience and replenishment and vitality returns.  In the absence of resistant thought, your true nature of eagerness and joy and fun returns.”   Abraham-Hicks

Worry. Concern. Struggle. Effort. Controlling.  These are the forms resistance has taken in my life.  Believing that it is up to me to make things happen.  “Facing” a “BIG PROJECT” and feeling such a heavy weight on my shoulders.  Hesitating before beginning, delaying, fretting over how I will ever make it all come together.

How different all that efforting and struggle is when contrasted with allowing, releasing, relaxing, letting go of all that resistance.  In my mind, it’s almost like the difference between being a child or an exuberant, eager young adult, and an older, more sophisticated, more complicated, more cautious and analytical adult.  To that older more concerned and controlling adult within me, those ways of approaching my goals, dreams and visions as the playful, trusting, relaxed and excited “young” person that lives somewhere within me, seems sometimes like a BIG PROJECT itself!! 

After all, I’ve spent the better part of this lifetime learning from the world around me and from all the hard, laboring efforts I’ve made to get things done in my life, that getting results, manifesting goals, takes great diligence, perseverance, control of my schedule, adherence to a strict work ethic, grit, determination, willingness to defer gratification, and usually a long uphill battle of “paying my dues”, before I should expect or even be worthy of receiving just compensation.

“If it’s hard, if it’s a struggle, then stop doing it!!  Don’t try to make things happen when it’s not happening easily!  Back off!!  Don’t try to force anything.  If what you’re feeling and doing isn’t pleasing you, then defuse it, release it.  Trying too hard is trying to make something happen from a vibration that isn’t cooperating.”  Abraham-Hicks

Of course, I find it reassuring that the very nature of my overall BIG PROJECT is to learn, apply what I learn, and most of all, enjoy this process of once again allowing myself to align with the well-being of my Source... to gradually release resistance... and to increasingly live inside this place within me, of allowing and ease.


The Hens Of Aging - By Tom Wells


It was sometime in my late 20’s, (actually on my 29th birthday), when I started to realize I was aging.  It seems almost comical now to think that I would even bother to call it “aging” at that young age.  But I guess it was some kind of existential realization that I was no longer going to be “endlessly young”.  Finally, I was an “adult”, whatever that was. I remember taking on some sort of added weight, or responsibility, and it was a bit sobering, but no big deal.

Since then, my milestones of aging have been many and frequent, always weighing how I was feeling against the number of years I had reached.  These days, in my late 60’s, I feel it’s as if the many chickens of aging have come home to roost. Feeling “old” is still present in my awareness, but it has calmed down quite a bit, and there’s a lot of new, fresh eggs gently dropping. The once clucking chickens sit quietly now, on their eggs of possibilities, content to allow the process of ongoing life to silently and slowly incubate and hatch into eternal life.  

I’m letting aging be an afterthought.  Oh well, aging happens.  But Life, with a capital “L”, now that’s where the juice lies!  My frontiers of exploration lie in the fertile valley’s of what may now be revealed, imagined, chosen, embraced.  I hold myself with careful tenderness, relying increasingly on my relationship with what IS eternal to guide and inform me.  I’m not interested in putting any obstacles in my path, but rather in clearing as many supposed obstacles as possible, all the while being as gentle with myself as I can.  After all, I have eternity to enjoy this incubation and the raising of my newly hatched small chicks of realization and enjoyment.

Just knowing that what I have always called “Me” is never going to die, never going to cease to exist in beauty and passion and fun and happiness, gives me ample faith and trust to take on the raising of so many young, fragile ones, all my hopes and dreams and ideas and beginnings of learnings, of apprenticing, of spreading my little almost non-existent wings to take on my fresh career aspirations, my excitement to learn to play other musical instruments, to learn to be an accomplished partner dancer, to commit to speaking Spanish or Portuguese or both, to begin a new relationship to a delicious new lover and friend, even if I’m still a novice at it all at  twenty years from now.

Knowing that I will never really get it all done, and that I can never really get it wrong, is so reassuring, and still something I am learning to embrace.  There is a lot of freedom in being an Infinite Being, and in accepting that the Universe is fully benevolent and fully benign, though at times it may be hard to see it all as so very beautiful.  But it is.  I know that, I trust that, I believe that, I love that, and I’m learning to LIVE that a little more every day.

In fact, that may well be the most stimulating and exciting part of my whole journey these days.  Accepting that I am just now really beginning to wake up to how profoundly beautifully all of this is orchestrated by Source.  I feel now that all my exciting learning is on this very creative leading-edge of peering into the realm of the Divine.  Beginning to glimpse the magnificent halls and palaces and “Shangri-La” valleys of a perfectly functioning universe, where trillions of cells comprising the bodies of humans, plants, animals, and all Beings of every sort, from stars and planets, to black holes and bacteria, atoms, waves and quarks, caterpillars and sparrows, all function with such precision and amazing synchronicity that we could never grasp it all. 

Or could we? Consider how we conscious beings peering into it all, engaging with it all, have the opportunity, the chance, the privilege, to witness it all from a seat of ever deepening appreciation, gratitude, love and excitement, as we gently let go of fear and worry and mistrust, and begin to see through the eyes of our Source Self. 

 It’s too much fun, isn’t it!


The Water Is Wide - by Tom Wells


Now we come down to the shore of the vast ocean that is our potential, that is all we have longed for, for lifetimes perhaps.  Remember the old song, “The water is wide...I can’t cross over...” ?

The water is wide, I can't cross over, and neither have I wings to fly. Build me a boat that can carry two and both shall row, my love and I.
There is a ship and she sails the sea. She's loaded deep, as deep can be. But not so deep as the love I'm in, I know not how I sink or swim.
Oh love is handsome and love is fine, the sweetest flower when first it's new. But love grows old and waxes cold and fades away like Summer dew.
Build me a boat that can carry two and both shall row, my love and I, And both shall row, my love and I.  
                                                                                                                  James Taylor

That feeling of reaching an impasse in my life, a challenge to move beyond the limitations of the very essence of who I have believed myself to be, a seemingly mighty expanse that I need to traverse.  I want to get to the other side, but where are my wings?  I have dreamed and hoped and prayed for wings to fly, yet I still stand on this shore, unable to comprehend this crossing over.

So I call upon my Self, I call upon my Ancestors, my Source, to build me a boat, that I might sail, endeavoring to carry all my sweet and precious longings and hopes for myself to the distant shore where lies the land of milk and honey, the fulfillment of these deep desires, this quenching of an inner thirst I have felt for so long.  Perhaps these wonderful loves of mine have grown cold and grown old, and no longer seem to have the beauty and freshness that once so inspired me to embrace them so passionately.  Yet I cannot abandon them, these dreams that have so shaped my searching and striving to finally feel complete.

Thankfully and amazingly, I feel in my heart that my love is so up to the task of carrying the precious cargo of my long and hopeful life toward that dream of a joyful fulfillment.  I somehow know that my love is even more vast than this seemingly endless ocean and the heavy load of all that I long for, and have ever longed for.  I know not how I live or die, I only know that together with my love, in that deepest regard and respect I have for my eternal Soul, for who I really am, I can row for that other shore, despite all odds.

Together, we “both shall row, my love and I.”