It was sometime in my late 20’s, (actually on my 29th birthday), when I started to realize I was aging. It seems almost comical now to think that I would even bother to call it “aging” at that young age. But I guess it was some kind of existential realization that I was no longer going to be “endlessly young”. Finally, I was an “adult”, whatever that was. I remember taking on some sort of added weight, or responsibility, and it was a bit sobering, but no big deal.
Since then, my milestones of aging have been many and frequent, always weighing how I was feeling against the number of years I had reached. These days, in my late 60’s, I feel it’s as if the many chickens of aging have come home to roost. Feeling “old” is still present in my awareness, but it has calmed down quite a bit, and there’s a lot of new, fresh eggs gently dropping. The once clucking chickens sit quietly now, on their eggs of possibilities, content to allow the process of ongoing life to silently and slowly incubate and hatch into eternal life.
I’m letting aging be an afterthought. Oh well, aging happens. But Life, with a capital “L”, now that’s where the juice lies! My frontiers of exploration lie in the fertile valley’s of what may now be revealed, imagined, chosen, embraced. I hold myself with careful tenderness, relying increasingly on my relationship with what IS eternal to guide and inform me. I’m not interested in putting any obstacles in my path, but rather in clearing as many supposed obstacles as possible, all the while being as gentle with myself as I can. After all, I have eternity to enjoy this incubation and the raising of my newly hatched small chicks of realization and enjoyment.
Just knowing that what I have always called “Me” is never going to die, never going to cease to exist in beauty and passion and fun and happiness, gives me ample faith and trust to take on the raising of so many young, fragile ones, all my hopes and dreams and ideas and beginnings of learnings, of apprenticing, of spreading my little almost non-existent wings to take on my fresh career aspirations, my excitement to learn to play other musical instruments, to learn to be an accomplished partner dancer, to commit to speaking Spanish or Portuguese or both, to begin a new relationship to a delicious new lover and friend, even if I’m still a novice at it all at twenty years from now.
Knowing that I will never really get it all done, and that I can never really get it wrong, is so reassuring, and still something I am learning to embrace. There is a lot of freedom in being an Infinite Being, and in accepting that the Universe is fully benevolent and fully benign, though at times it may be hard to see it all as so very beautiful. But it is. I know that, I trust that, I believe that, I love that, and I’m learning to LIVE that a little more every day.
In fact, that may well be the most stimulating and exciting part of my whole journey these days. Accepting that I am just now really beginning to wake up to how profoundly beautifully all of this is orchestrated by Source. I feel now that all my exciting learning is on this very creative leading-edge of peering into the realm of the Divine. Beginning to glimpse the magnificent halls and palaces and “Shangri-La” valleys of a perfectly functioning universe, where trillions of cells comprising the bodies of humans, plants, animals, and all Beings of every sort, from stars and planets, to black holes and bacteria, atoms, waves and quarks, caterpillars and sparrows, all function with such precision and amazing synchronicity that we could never grasp it all.
Or could we? Consider how we conscious beings peering into it all, engaging with it all, have the opportunity, the chance, the privilege, to witness it all from a seat of ever deepening appreciation, gratitude, love and excitement, as we gently let go of fear and worry and mistrust, and begin to see through the eyes of our Source Self.
It’s too much fun, isn’t it!